Thursday, April 24, 2014

A Family's Struggling With Hoarding (Chapter 6)

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Lately, Mandy has been made feel guilty, as if she has done everything wrong for the last five days due to  her mother’s negative attitude toward her each day. Dolly has been bringing in more stuff or junk, but refuses to go through she already has piled up in kitchen and liven room. She has bought Christmas supplies in that she bought and too many tables, both small and large! This type of behavior from Dolly has really frustrated Mandy and her husband Kyle, because Dolly just tells them to “shut up and leave her alone”, whenever they say anything about the amount of junk she brings in.

Unfortunately, now Mandy or Kyle are dealing with moving more of her stuff, in order to find certain dishes that they may need or to reach the dining room table. However, they cannot sit at the same table together: due to her stuff surrounding it, being on top of it, and being underneath it. They need a new or better stove, because it only has one burner working. Recently, Dolly gets angry or mad over the simplest things like: moving her boxes, throwing her trash away, and just generally cleaning up the kitchen.

Honestly, it is the frustrating to have limited access to dishes and other things that we may need while one of us is cooking. Just this week, she has brought home over fifty different items, which she got through Lola. Mandy’s best friend is Lola, so she has talked to Lola about not giving her any more stuff to bring home. However, Dolly goes down to Lola’s to beg for something she is going to put in yard sale, so she feels sorry for Dolly and gives in to her wants.

Nevertheless, Mandy’s best friend Lola hasn’t been around much, so Mandy has been feeling alone and stuck in a place that she doesn’t want to be. Thankfully, Lola helps Mandy get her mind off of the negative stuff and helps her focus on the positive things that she has in her life. For example, Mandy just stays in her room and tries to ignore her mother’s constant yelling by watching TV, as well as playing with her two dogs, listening to e-books, and writing.

Unfortunately, every day there is an argument over clothing, food, and anything else that Dolly feels belongs to her. So far, Mandy has pleaded with her mother to stop the yelling and constant screaming, but day after day it continues for whatever reason when Dolly gets in a nasty mood. Mandy just tries to ignore the arguing and fighting about stupid stuff, since she can get more clothes and she can get her own food.

Additionally, she feels berated and belittled by her own mother, which is hard to stomach sometimes and hard to handle mentally as well. Therefore, Mandy began seeking help through a psychiatrist and a counselor, which has helped. Especially, one she began taking mood stabilizers and anxiety medications, but her mom will always be a trigger for Mandy. She doesn’t want be disrespectful to her mother Dolly, but in many ways Mandy has became the parent and Dolly has became the spoiled child.

The role reversal has given Mandy things to think about, but what others suggest just will not work on her mother right now. She is defiant, greedy, and can be very nasty at times when she doesn’t get her way. Unfortunately, Dolly will do things behind everyone’s back and by the time we find out about it, it is usually too late to take back. 

Mandy prays that one day, she can teach her mother the right way to love somebody. Instead of what she was taught, which is to buy things for those you love as a form of showing that person love. Changes can be difficult, yet with God’s help, patience, long-suffering, and faith can change anyone.

(2014, Crystal S. Kauffman)

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